Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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