If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
there is glitter all over my balls
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize