Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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