Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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