Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
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I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
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Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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