Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
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Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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