No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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