The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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