I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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