i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
His nipple licking is glorious
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