i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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