Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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