From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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