piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she told me i tasted like america
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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