i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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