I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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