you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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