it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize