never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize