I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize