Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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