Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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