ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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