I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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