Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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