I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You ate ashes out of my bong
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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