chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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