OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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