fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize