He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize