You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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