So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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