My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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