I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
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Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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