she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize