she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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