and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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