Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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