If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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