I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize