It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize