that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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