hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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