I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize