I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize