I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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