We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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