i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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