I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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