New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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